Tool Box

This Year’s first day was great.

We celebrated it with excessive alcohol consumption and food. I went in and out of the house to check if there were online messages on my computer. My family (except for Dad who has been very busy with work lately, going home for just an hour a day) conquered the streets and danced their hearts out.

I decided to stay indoors 60 minutes after the northern hour. Then I started hearing commotion, the common banters and curses that I heard my brothers threw at each other the last time they had a drink. But this time, they were both daring those fucked-up teenage shits who threw bangers near the house, almost injuring the kids.

I didn’t want to hear the rest. It was getting funny already. Really funny. Speaking in foreign tongue. Haha. Moments later they were calm.

Then my brother poised himself in a powerful stance, pointing at the stars and their motion, proclaiming "Ang kalibutan, Andrew… nihinay ug tuyok! Tabangi kog tulod aning wall sa U.P. kai akong ibalik.". That’s pretty cool.

It’s 00:00, December 25, you take ample strides to the exit and imbibe in the Christmas air. Your eyelids rest, your chin points towards Polaris (or a neighbor’s brightly-lit Christmas lantern), a subtle angle rests on the corner of your lips, you forget, you remember, and then you inhale deep.

You wake up, scavenge through your nasal chambers, and realize that you’ve developed a thick, highly-explosive booger.

It’s most likely to happen if you live in Cebu, where firecrackers roll and scratch the sky as early a week before January 1.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Less than a week. I’m already cursing the place.

• Salesladies (I asked for a magazine’s and a comic book’s price, and i heard one say I’ve been asking over and over again. Don’t you know how to put price tags?)
• Thieves (No explanation required)
• Fashion statement (People are so baduy, they look like JOSENIANS!)
• The itch

Ila sad na. But it really pisses me off.

Well at least

• I found my creative (yeah right) heritage (My relatives are MOSTLY artists and painters)
• I met hot cousins for eye-candy (No, not incest)
• I’ve got a new Camera! (Autofocus/Manual)
• I’ve an airbrush set.
• I found people who, in some way, look like me
• Did i mention hot cousins?

Ten more minutes and were off. I’m having a hard time which songs I should upload in my mp3 player. Blah. Surprise me. My nephew’s wearing a snow-cap and a sweatshirt. Murag driver sa habal-habal. HAHAHAHHA. Sigeg katawa akong mama.

http://friensdter.com/profiles/fracturedsky

I’ve chosen that as my personalized friendster URL. Hahay. Cornyha uy.

Yeah yeah.  Whatever.

Three more hours left. Then off to the airport. I still haven’t settled my personal gadgets yet. Mom won’t allow me to bring my drawing board and watercolors. Sus. Gamay ra kaayo ni. Atay uy.

Haayz. I’m thinking of carrying these in my small bag:

• Cheap Digital Camera
• 3 Faber-Castell Pencils (I don’t like the transparency)
• Small Sketch pad
• Jen’s Doonesbury comic books.
• Kuya Mark’s Php 3.00 pocket books (asa ka ana)
• My wallet
• Batteries and chargers

I guess that’s all. I don’t think I’ve to prepare. Haayz.

And I guess I’ll bring with me my pen. Pisti naguba raba ni. Huhuh. Akong drawingon ang sky karon. Woohooo.

Hahayz. …

I’m going off to a place to kiss the hands of relatives I hardly even know. Unya usa ko sa ilang gi anticipate nga personality didto. That totally sucks. And makulbaan kog mga tagalog. Haha.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I’m staying up till 3 a.m. Noone’s online except for a female buddy who’s laconic as usual and complains about the deficient liquor supply.

(My eyes are rolling)

Still thinking of what else to bring. Pisti uy. Paita aning wa tay eraser. GRRRR. Kids. They keep thinking its CLAY. Asa na man pud toh.

Funny how Eternal Salvation, Commerce, and Food would mix so harmoniously.

This is my first (and probably last) comic strip. I couldn’t help but put on paper what transpired yesterday morning, while I was cooking chicken noodles for breakfast.

Cheaply written Philippine music, gets syphoned into filtering stages where it gets brewed to mainstream. Most of the time, this "mainstream" music gets too overcooked and mutated that only disco-freaks dare listen to. Atay.

Let’s face it all. Tagalog pop musicians SUCK, dude. Not unless they shoot a video, they won’t sell!

Here’s a sample of 3 varied songs joined together at particular verses to create a commercially corrupted, pig-copulation, taga-bukid music.

"Pinoy ako, pinoy tayo.. ipakita sa mundo, kung ano ang kaya mo.. Iba’t-iba ang pin—HOY! pinoy ako! buo aking luob, may agimat ang dugo ko.. hoooooo… awoooo—- uptown girl.. lalala"

GO PHILIPPINES!

You want inter-racial sexed-up music? Here’s a conjoint Negro-Asian mix, Snoop Dogg’s sitar-plucking intro (I don’t know the title to that song and I don’t give a fuck) fused with Visayan lyrics. The product? Tongk-tangk–tang-tong-tangk–HUBAGANG ATE OY. Woo disco. The residue? Habal-habal drivers buying the copies to that song.

And to conclude that transition, every ‘noise’ gets sprinkled at with a constant linear rhtyhm. Go snare! Go bass! tugsh-taksh-tugsh-taksh-tugsh-taksh.

Hey. It couldn’t be that bad. At least these fucked-up mixes are better than political jingles. Haha.

To be… tugsh-taksh.. is all I gotta be… tugsh-taksh.

After all that brewing makes it rancid, it gets reformatted into a MIDI version, either in a poly-tone or videoke machine, which you can download for puto-sikwate’s worth. Yes. KAPITALISMO!!! That’s what drives the Filipinos to formulate such stuff.

I want to murder this recollection with the surreal.

this is one spontaneous shit and i on’t care if i have typographical errors here because thi si sjust one big chunk of stupid things that my brain blah blah yeah that sounds corny pero ambot arunno it’s just i don’t feel lwhat?> huh ambot nimo uy kai.. duh.. here we go again but at least i’m happy that what’s happy? iv’e been having happy-sad-happy-sad moments within the last 24 hours today and arunno i feel empty blah blah yeahr gith and who what? kai gnano lagi ka? pero yes, pointless, useless and yeah that’s the word, what the word? what? i just deleted something and i’m not going to do that again nfor ejeos arunno can the ay kapoiy wonder kapoi wonder kapoy think kapoi na kaayo mag psychologize maypag mag psychopath lingaw pa pero di gihapon arunno ahahaha woo here and there near and far pero yeah, i cracked  my jaws on diamond but that’s okay cause i’m here now and my pedomorphic ego is sitting on my lap and i’m scratching my upper lip or somethin but there’s something very unusual about books and my dad just called me right now to view some coin-operated movie show i guess but i hear tagalog conversations and i’m staring and my jaw is hanging and i just remembered i said i cracked my jaws on diamong but that’s ok still i will dodge the sword but it’s hard hey what happens if you pierce a spear that can pierce anything into a shield that can block anything? i got that from a cartoon and arunno i still remember my childhood what? hey what would a third-grader buy if he were given Php 1000? what would you have bought? Me? I bought a calvin and hobbes book and i got mocked at by my brother for retelling that but i don’t care he killed my will and dad just called me again but i just want to blah what is blah? har har. something’s flashing on the monitor no, not female vertical mouths it’s just someone buzzing in my yahoo messenger thingie and i want to die and it’s the first time i’ve said this in my entire life i dunno but i guess not maybe not someone buzzes again and nothing plays on my winamp player because people are such losers they listen to music and they are sort of arunno and people are trying to read this but that’s ok and i don’t want to hear about it the next day i just want to drown in alcohol tomorrow hahahaa and i bet you’re saying uzi palahubog pero sige lang okerana who cares arunno wahahahaha hey what time is it? it’s a minute later than it was one minute ago! oh no! let’s run! i just remember a line from my calvin and hobbes book but i forgot what it was so umm it was about bellylander something but i really laughed hard about it so yeah i’m buying a new canvas tomorrow so i could paint and paint and paint with oils because oils are such powerful media and i dunno why kenny keeps saying that he despises oil paintings well that’s just sick discriminating art just because it’s in oil that sucks dude. so what? it just shows how blind you are hey ho hai ho dwarfs. i see a dwarf with round eyes in a yellow-green top and a purple cap now he’s smiling at me and i just erased him now i see a big fat guy on my table yelling at me to give him some meat and i whacked him with my phantom wrist. i just paused a bit so there’s no point in calling this spontaneous eh? ambot lang i dont care are you i hope you don’t read this coz i’m doing this farara lolololo hahayz.. just copy paste this and enlarge it somewhere..